Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Sick Baby

Off to my home away from home... the pumping room. Did I mention that I got mastitis two days ago? Not fun. Nuff said.

My precious Max. I don't have many pictures of Luke from the last few days. He just isn't feeling well enough for me to turn the lights on to bug him :(

Kissin' on my boy...

Look at my cute outfit! It says "Mommy's Rookie"

"Really, Mom, you think I'm that cute!"

Really... I'm not joking. As fast as things go good they turn the other direction. Luke is not doing so well. He is NPO again. If you are an avid follower you get that, if not, scroll down. He had another poop with a little bit of blood in it and a very full tummy late last night which caused some suspicion. The doctor said that the big worry is the repeat reaction. Once they started up his feedings again he quickly had the same reaction. This could mean a reaction to the milk, a reaction to something I ate that day, or more seriously, Luke could have problems with his bowel or part of his intestine. I pray this is not the case because long term effects are prevalent and surgery is necessary. The diagnosis is... continued "starvation," as I call it... maybe a little dramatic, but it seems that way. They will put him on Elecare when he seems ready. The same stuff Max was on a week or two ago. Then, they will just see how he does!

I have decided that having a sick child is one of the most heart wrenching things ever! Seeing them suffer is terrible, and hearing them cry while knowing there is a reason for it is awful! It's one thing to hear Max make his little pathetic wails, but to hear Luke cry is different... because he rarely does! So, when I hear him cry I know something is WRONG!

Something I am learning with twins... and I'm sure it is the same with anyone who has more than one child, is that it is so hard when BOTH of them are not doing well. Even though I have enjoyed Max so much the last few days, I always think of Luke in the back of my mind. It robs some of my joy, well, not so much my joy but my peace in it. BUT, when both of them are doing well I am so full of joy that I feel like I could BUST open! I can only imagine that this is my very first taste of parenthood and these feelings. I'm sure it doesn't change as they grow and you rejoice with one that gets an 'A' on a report card and struggle with the other who gets a 'D'... or celebrate with one that just had a first date and grieve with the other that just got dumped. Oh, wait, my boys will never date, so that won't be the case! Ha, ha :)

At this point though, I see progress in both boys and I am so excited to be able to feel more and more like a 'mother' everyday. This whole process robs you of simple pleasures (some might call them responsibilities) of parenthood. It is just so different. Changing diapers, holding them... and having someone tell you that it probably isn't a good idea to hold your baby because he is sick and doesn't feel well. That does not go over well. What... what do you mean I shouldn't hold him! He needs to be comforted NOW. I shouldn't say that though, because the nurse was genuinely looking out for Luke and I think she was right in waiting. Anyways, we will all get through this. By the grace of God we will walk away stronger! I pray every time over my little boys when I leave... that God will hold them in his hands and comfort them as I am away. That the time I am gone flies and the time I am there stalls.

Max's isolette is on the left and Luke's is on the right. What our world looks like.


  1. Ashley and Caleb....our hearts are with you and lifting you to the Father. He carries us, comforts us, strengthens us and most of all heals us. We "trust in the name of the Lord our God" As you wait on Him know that our hearts are thinking of you. Nate and Patti

  2. Dear Ashley & Caleb, you are both doing an amazing job. The blogging and pictures are wonderful! Most importantly, you're continuing to lean on Him, and that is what's going to get you through this. Stop and breathe Him in! We're praying for all of you. Gary & Sue

  3. Your strength and courage amazes me! I am so encouraged listening to both of your constant hope that God is bigger than this and is right in the middle of it all (which he is :) !)! It breaks my hearts you all have to go through this right now! But of any family, you for sure have the strength and support to keep riding the roller-coaster! I love you, and as always am continuing to pray for you!