Friday, June 25, 2010

Runnin' on Empty

I feel like I can't seem to keep up lately. I just always feel like I am running somewhere... and getting there one step behind. I am pretty sure that most of that feeling comes from having to pump, you are always on such a time schedule. My mind has been feeling the effects. Some of you can attest to my more frequent mental lapses. I keep forgetting what I was going to say, who I am calling, what I am doing, etc. Some say welcome to motherhood... but I thought that happened at grandmother-hood! haha!

Oh, and physically, it has had it's effects too! Like being so exhausted that when you wake up at 6:00 am to pump and walk down the stairs... well, I didn't walk. I kind of plopped! Remember sliding down the stairs on your butt as a kid? Yup, I slipped on the top step and went straight from my feet to my butt and didn't stop 'till I hit the floor. Caleb shot out of bed like a rocket because we don't have a railing on the stairs yet and he thought I fell all the way down to the basement (which would have been really bad.) He found me just sitting on the floor... crying. I wasn't hurt that bad, I jammed my finger somehow and skunned my back up... but I was crying because I was so exhausted and DONE with feeling any pain. The whole process from labor for a few weeks, birth (c-section), life threatening infection, pumping... well, I feel like I got ran over by a truck and then they backed to see what they hit! Ok... I'm done complaining! I just keep thinking of Matthew 11:28-30 (its a good one.)

Something to rejoice about is my beautiful babies. They are doing good and making progress daily. Both of them are still dealing with preemie complications, PDA, apnea, etc. But overall they are doing better. They both got their IVs out the other day which is so nice because they are free men... they can move their arms around wherever they want, and they do! They both are doing well with their feedings too. Going up everyday. Max is now 3 lbs and Luke is 2 lb 2 oz!!! They are stable enough now also for me to hold them twice a day. I have done some research on kangaroo care and it is amazing the medical benefits for the babies along with the psychological ones for mom. It is so fun to hold them and just feel them relax and melt. Some of the nurses have been working with me to learn how to take them out of their isolettes by myself too. It is not an easy task! They are hooked up to so many things and I get nervous that I will pull something out. I can't wait for the day when they are at home and I don't have to ask permission to hold them! :)

Thanks again for all of your prayers. I think He is listening to you and it's working! Sometimes I think my situation is so bad, but then lately, with all of the new entries in the NICU I feel so blessed. There are lots of critical babies in there lately, ones that are having surgery and other operations and it makes me thank God for the progression of my boys. I just hope they keep on hangin' in there!


  1. Abba Father, I pray right now that Ashley will feel Your strong hand upon her head, that she and Caleb will be filled with Your presence and strength, and that they will remember You are there to lean on. In Your name. Amen.

  2. My dear, sweet, Ashley:
    I wish I could somehow take some of your hurt away. I also feel so for your mom,as a parent you now know that when your child hurts you hurt that much more. So, I can only imagine what your parents are going thru right now wishing that they could lift some of your burden. And as much as you love your boys and your parents love you, remember that our Heavenly Father loves us all that much more!! Please continue to find your strength in Him and I know That He will give both you and Caleb the strength you need to get thru these hard times. Your little guys seem to being doing so well right now and before you know it, these times will be a loving memory you will have as you look back at your pictures. Take good care of yourself Ashley, your boys need a healthy mom, so sometimes just be selffish and put yourself first! Remember, there is a community praying for the young Yoder family!! Love ya, Heidi C.

  3. Remember this...
    Cleaning and scrubbing
    Can wait till tomorrow,
    For babies grow up,
    We've learning to our sorrow.
    So quiet down cobwebs,
    Dust go to sleep,
    I'm caring for my babies,
    And babies don't keep.

    I know you didn't speak of cleaning but even the other "busyness" of life sometimes needs this reminder.

    Ashley, I know you are a wonderful mommy. There will be times as they grow when you feel as you do now ....but keep holding onto His hand. Feel the peace only He can give. You are loved and prayed for by many!