A Day at Home

Caleb talked me into going up to see the boys every other day, well at least for today. :) I can't help but feel like I need to be there when I am home. We are going to have to figure something else out because I know in my heart that every other day is not enough. Even if after the day where I am at home, I go up to Duluth late in the evening to spend the night and then the whole following day. Then head for home to spend the night and the following day home and repeat... sounds like a plan! haha

I just know that these little boys need to know their mama is there, hear my voice, smell me when I hold them... give them some sense of comfort in their upside down world! Yesterday was so hard because when I went to leave Max was being really fussy. I put my hands on him and just talked to him and he would be fine, he would relax and almost fall asleep. Then I would pull my hands away slowly and he would start to cry. It just tore my heart to pieces. I only get so many opportunities like that to be their mom right now I feel. And he knows its me... I'm sure of! And it kills me to leave them when I can actually do something to help.

They are doing pretty good. Both still on CPAP. Unfortunately Luke is still not getting any feedings. He just isn't moving things through his tummy well enough so hopefully soon they can get him going again. The poor little man has to be starving! They do up their IV fluids (calories and vitamins) but I know that he still has to feel hungry with nothing in his belly!

I am hoping to get up there tomorrow and spend the WHOLE DAY with them. I haven't held them for almost a week and a half because of being on CPAP and them having so many spells so hopefully tomorrow both of them will be stable enough so we can cuddle!