Wednesday, August 25, 2010

My new favorite thing... naked tummy time. So funny! They can both lift their bottoms off the floor! :)

Luke kissing daddy (really looking for nummies)

Usually my blog posts are a manifestation of my thoughts throughout the day, at a point in time, while laying in bed, etc. Lately, as pathetic as it sounds, my mind has not had the liberty to wander in my own thoughts. It only thinks about... change diapers, nurse, burp, bottle, burp, rock, pat, swaddle, pump, repeat! :) My wonderful husband did allow me to go to bed tonight for awhile so that I could actually sleep in our bed for a little bit. So refreshing.... and much overdue. I have been sleeping on the couch downstairs in the living room with the boys in a pack-n-play next to me for the last 2 1/2 weeks. It just works out better that way so that I am right next to the kitchen for making up bottles, etc. Blah, blah... what I am saying is that I was able to lay in bed for a minute, let my mind wander and THINK.

The other reason why I haven't posted much lately is because I am having a very difficult time processing this whole experience. We spent almost 3 months in the NICU, which was an extreme emotional roller coaster. At that time I thought things couldn't get harder... or worse. Then our prayers were answered and the boys came home! Unfortunately things didn't get any easier. I would be lying if I said it did. Our schedule is pretty demanding and so are the boys at this stage. I also have a hard time knowing that this regime is not going to be short lived. Because of our boys being so premature and coming home about a month before term, we will be living as if we have newborns for months. That is so hard on me sometimes... just knowing that this rigorous schedule could still be for a couple months! But hey... a couple months is better than a couple years! After bringing them home, I immediately had to go in to mommy-mode and have not been able to take a second since to process what we have went through. Until tonight....

We had some family and close friends over and were able share our boys for a minute and just relax and chat. I was talking to Nate (who hadn't seen the boys yet) and is very aware of the struggle we went through. I was looking through pictures of the boys from when they were first born and a flood of emotions and memories hit me. That was only about 3 months ago, but it feels like years. Almost a different time. It is hard for me to put together that the little babies that were in the hospital... barely surviving... are the same ones crying as I type this while I pump!!! haha! What I am getting at ... in a short order... is that I told myself I never wanted to take for granted a poopy diaper, a cuddle, being spit up on, and so on once I got home. I realized that reminiscing, as hard as it can be, will be so encouraging for my faith in this journey. God has already seen us through a lot and I KNOW that He is still with us. The infamous saying... 'God will never give you more than you can handle'... well, honestly, just about all of this has been more than I can handle and still is... but I see that God daily gives me the grace to deal with the situation and make it through day by day.

Max... almost two weeks old.

Luke... almost two weeks old...

Max and Luke... home now for two weeks!


  1. Hey Ash,

    Glad to hear you got a few minutes to relax and reflect. The boys are looking soooo great! I can't even imagine how busy and overwhelming it must be at the moment but they have come sooo far, and pretty soon you will be looking back on the current pictures thinking of how far they've come and how quickly it's gone by. You guys are all doing great - keep up the good work! Sending lots of thoughts and prayers your way.


  2. I, like most people who read this, wish I could do something to help you. Even just changing dirty diapers for an afternoon! But, I'm sure you have tons of people offering to do that and you are trying to keep people contact down. But, if you do need help- don't hesitate to call!
    Your post brought back a lot of feelings & memories from when Lilly was little. In the midst of "life", you forget how far you've come. It gives you strength to see that you've made it through the hardest part.
    We're still praying for you guys! Especially rest & calmness for you, Ashley.

  3. Hey, it is so good to hear from you and that you got some rest in an actual bed!! It is crazy how far they have come and that they are doing so well!! I love the new pics and how you contrasted them!! Keeping you all in my thoughts and prayers!!


  4. Caleb and are such great parents! It has just begun but that nurturing, loving and praying mother and father will make it through. Not on your own but with help from above and below. "Praise be to the Lord, to God our Savior, who daily bears our burdens." Psalm 68:19

    Love you both! Nate and Patti

  5. aww, you and caleb have been through a lot these last few months! I just always tell myself, that in the entire span of my lifetime or the lifetime of my kids, that we'll manage through a few hard months. Things will be so different 6-7 months from now. They'll be sleeping much longer at night, sitting up, entertaining themselves in the exersaucer or johnny jump up, napping on a schedule etc. You can do it! God isn't giving you anything you can't handle and that is the truth!