Things Above...

Instead of CONTINUING to lay in bed for the second or third hour without being able to really fall asleep I decided to do what I do as I lay in bed and try to fall asleep... blog. I can come up with the best things as I lay in bed... they usually evolve from a prayer I'm in the middle of and before I know it I'm thinking... I HAVE to remember this and put it on my blog. But, nope, rarely happens anymore. So, as I am still feeling like crap I decided to write out my feelings and then hopefully fall into a restful slumber.

Like I said before... many of my best thoughts come as I am still praying, well should be at least. Tonight I was laying in bed and thinking about a main theme of the message that came from our bible study last Monday night; focus your eyes, or minds rather, on things above. Caleb and I started going to a church study a few weeks ago. I was so excited (to say the least) to have an opportunity to get back into a small group environment. It wasn't exactly what I had been dreaming up over the past year of want... much of my dreams and thoughts were focused on an all women's study that would be incredibly deep and committed. One where we would share, cry, pray and grow together. One where we would all be so close, our bonds would be so tight that we could say anything, ask whatever, and be vulnerable. This group was not that. Instead it was a much different, much more organic and God lead group really. A complete MIX of opinions, personalities, philosophies, ages, ideas, and pasts. So why would God throw together such an eclectic mix? Because it isn't ideal, because it isn't perfect, because it isn't MY plan. And that is exactly where he works. And, frankly, I love it!

Just as I mentioned earlier, I was mulling over the idea of what Pastor Heath was talking about... focus our minds on things above. I am trying to figure out WHAT that means. What does that really look like and how in my thoughts, actions and flesh can I accomplish that focus. I think maybe it means that I understand situations like our small group BEFORE it happens... meaning, I don't idolize the thought of a perfect group, but understand the power of God's perfect will to work in every situation. Knowing that my ideas and preconceived notions just get in the way. And that me being so fixed on things like that can make me miss so many great opportunities to grow! Maybe (well I know it really would help) being in the Word more often, more committed and more intentional would bring me to that focus.

But really, I know it will just be a journey. Unfortunately our minds are not preprogrammed to think on things above, they are programmed to think on things ahead... as long as they are in the mirror. Yes, they are programmed to think on OURSELVES. Why? I can get so frustrated with this. Heath brought up so many good insights, one of his focuses was on common vs. true virtue. On one hand we automatically use self-preservation (fear) and self-promotion (pride) to motivate us to do good, or anything really. But what we should be using for motivation is a LOVE FOR CHRIST. Seems like a very logical, practical and obvious motivation source, however, it is not our nature and in turn we fight it and must be conscious of our thoughts. Or in other words... our focus... ON THINGS ABOVE.

So I really should be sleeping. Resting, yes mother I can hear you in my head for the 200th time... get some REST! I am off to bed... hopefully asleep this time. I am feeling better but not really good yet. This pneumonia thing is the pits. Where is my energy?! That's all I wanna know!
I promise the next time I blog it won't be a disorganized rant, it will be full of pictures and (hopefully) detailed updates of my boys... before I forget all they are doing right now!

Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

Philippians 4: 4-8

Good night all!